Wondering why they call them 'sulkies’? Want to know the difference between a trot and a gallop?
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I'm taking out this new girl next weekend. Is the track a good place for a date?
Neil C, Hamilton, Ontario.

Women always want to ‘do stuff’. Us guys are content to shag the day away behind the privacy of drawn curtains, but ladies like to do things like ‘go outside’, ‘get some exercise’, and ‘experience life’.

If you’ve got a filly that likes to run, then the track is an excellent place for a date. It’s a unique experience that offers and exciting atmosphere, ample drama, and most important of all, booze.

I’ve bagged many a babe after spending the day at the races. - gets the natural adrenaline flowing, and all that. Here’s what always works for me:

On a warm summer afternoon, head for the track. Grab a cocktail (for her, beer for you) and find a seat in the sun. After you’ve gotten comfortable, let her pick a horse for the next race. Make a BIG deal out of her choice: tell her she’s a natural punter and all that. Once she’s chosen, go place the bet for her ($2 is the minimum, but $5 makes you look less cheap). This will give her time to take in the sights and smells and reflect on how much of a gentleman you are.

When your race is about to begin, crank up the excitement. Point out her horse and cheer feverishly as it crosses the finish line –hopefully not dead last. If she wins, congratulate her and take her to pick up her winnings. Note her smile as she collects her bounty. If she loses, tell her you’re going to cheer her up by buying her dinner (which you can do quite nicely at most tracks).

By the time you’re ready for dessert, she’ll be thanking you for a wonderful and unique date with more than a handshake, I can assure you. And if you’re really lucky, she might catch the sulky bug and want to go back!


I've got everything I need to take up harness racing: A strong horse, slick silks, and a sturdy sulky. All I'm missing is the moustache!
I can't settle on a style ? any suggestions?
Bryan B. Dundas, Ontario.

Well Bryan, first of all congratulations – I’m glad to hear you’re serious about taking up harness racing. You sound like you’ve got most of the essentials in place, and you’re sharp enough not to underestimate the power of a good moustache. While it might be a bit of a stretch to say the moustache makes the driver, it certainly goes a long way to give a new driver a seasoned, authentic appearance. And plus, chicks dig the lip tickler.

There are countless variations of moustaches available to fit your personal requirements, but let’s take a quick look at three of the more popular driver’s ‘stache styles:

The Mud Flap: A classic, The Mud Flap is a thick, burly growth that completely covers the upper lip. Note that it does not curl down or encroach onto the cheek. The Mud Flap is the most practical of driver moustaches, named for its ability to catch sand, dirt, and debris that flies up from the track during a race. A good starter ‘stache.

The Whip: This thin, intermediate moustache outlines the top contour of the upper lip. It’s named for the driver who made it popular, Richard Zeron. The Whip is a no-nonesense moustache that screams pedigree, distinction, and above all, confidence. Keeping The Whip well groomed is of utmost importance - a sloppy Whip is worse than no Whip at all.

The Widowmaker: It’s no surprise that the most advanced moustache is also the most intimidating. The Widowmaker is a moustache or a medium density and thickness, curled up at the ends using a pomade. Legend has it the ‘curl’ represents the smiling voice inside you that says “I’m gonna beat you to the finish line and then kiss your wife on the lips, and there ain’t a thing you can do about it”. It takes hours of brushing and grooming, and some even swear that reading to it helps it grow. The Widowmaker is only for those serious about facial hair, racing, and most importantly, winning.


I'm going dressed as a sulky driver for Halloween.
What do you suggest I make my colors out of?
Mandy G, Bolton, Ontario.

This is going to be tough to communicate via email Mandy…why don’t flip me your address and I’ll come over and help you? No? Well, can’t blame a bloke for tryin’ ;)

While I’m sure no one would disapprove of you sticking your initials on your silk robe, your best bet is probably to start with a single-colored snowmobile outfit. A white one-piece would be best, but a two-piece will do in a pinch. Once you decide on your complimentary color, find some cloth and cut out elbow and knee pads as well as shoulder decals. Finally, you should write/embroider your initials on the back of the outfit as well as your name on the left-hand breast.

There you have it! Compliment your new colors with a helmet and whip, and you’re ready for any Halloween bash. If you need to borrow a whip, just let me know…


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